sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
