and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
