If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
