A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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