Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
