fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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