he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
