i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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