So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I want to make a zoo with you.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize