Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
