and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
