But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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