So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize