I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize