It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
COCAINE IS GR8
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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