I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
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