My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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