While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize