Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
