I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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