conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
