I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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