He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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