Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize