I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
