remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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