Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
