theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
