I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
