turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
