the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
