I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
