You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
