i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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