Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
