So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
