I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
