FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
