Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
