and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
