Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize