he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
