My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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