He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
