ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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