Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize