and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
