I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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