I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
