so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
