he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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