She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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