JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
