no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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