dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
