I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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