I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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