so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
