Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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