Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
