He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize