I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's no shave November. This is our time.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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