Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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