i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You ruined the universe
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
