we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
