Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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