I skipped work to stalk him.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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