When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Everything about him screamed your future.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
