the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
