I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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