I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
