I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
