do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
