She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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