I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
