so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
