Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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