ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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