I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
