I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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