You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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