I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
