yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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