remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
