you guys were way drunker than both of me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
