I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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