Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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