Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
