Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
